Oh the drudgery...

I've been off work for the past five months - purely out of my own volition, really. I took the first three and half months as an unpaid sabbatical from my last job, which I quit. I've only quit from another job without another job to look forward to once - that was back in 2003. Over the course of working in that post, my self-esteem was gradually chipped away so much that in the end, I gave up. My co-workers and my manager were awful people - catty, mean, counter-productive. It was such a poisonous environment and I had never been used to being treated that way. It was a wrench leaving it, the money was so good but by the end I was so tired of dealing with all of their bullshit that I couldn't handle it anymore. I can still remember spending agonising mornings curled up in bed, dreading to go to work. It was not a happy time for me. I was recently arrived in this country and I felt so isolated and alone. For the first time I understood my parents' isolation.

Eight and a half months later I received a phone call from a recruiter who had seen my CV for a job with a major electronics firm. The job was technical support. I didn't get the post but the recruiter was so adamant that I be hired that I ended up working in another job, a better one, albeit less paid. It was a really cosy environment. My co-workers came from all over the world and I felt more at home there than at any time in my last job, which was staffed entirely by local people. I could breathe.

But after nearly two years and some company restructuring, I needed to get out. Besides the commute was killing me. I found another post closer to home for more money.

Boy, what a mistake that was. Sure the money was better but the environment was frankly horrid. This was a bona fide, 100 per cent call centre - complete with call monitoring, idiotic rules and moronic team leaders. After six weeks I was ready to quit, money or no but I hung on, for the sake of the growing baby.

But then I lost the baby and then there was just no real reason to stay. I decided on doing as close to six months as I could manage and begged off using the "I'm leaving the country" excuse. I couldn't stand the sight of my team lead and in the five and a half months I had worked there, I saw a turnaround of 11 people - in a team of fifteen - including the quality control monitor and the manager.

I am so sick of shite jobs. The only really decent job I had was the one I did back home, six months before I left. It was challenging and fun and well-paid. I learned so much. The first job I took here was a challenge, and I did learn alot but it still makes me sad today how little support I had when I was there.

I bumped into my ex-manager at that same job... he looked tired and weary and depressed. His job is going to be axed. His department will be outsourced to a competing firm so he faces the very real possibility of losing his job. We were hired at the same time, he as my manager but he never really got the hang of managing in a true sense. He's actually a big part of why I left. Personally, I kinda like the guy: he's funny in a self-deprecating sort of way. But he wasn't there for me and I don't think I'd work with him again. I don't feel happy that he's going to be sacked (or let go or whatever) but I don't feel sympathy either. Where was his sympathy when I needed a reference? Where was his sympathy and understanding when I was on the verge of a breakdown...

It was odd seeing him too... like bumping into an ex who cheated on you but who you still kind of liked. I did feel a grain of pity for him. He has two girls he pays to support, from a previous relationship. He's intensely personal about his private life so I really don't know much about him. But I worked with him long enough to know that this was someone who knew a lot of heartache.