A Kilometre a Day, keeps the Nurse at Bay...

SUCCESS!

I have finally managed to procure a free three-day trial run at that gym I visited on Monday. I called the gym next time, asking to speak to the manager. Naturally, I had been given the run-around, but a lot of patience, and a lot of harassing phonecalls later, your man was on the phome with me apologising profusely for Gavin-the-Prat and setting up my free trial, which he had extended by a couple of days to cover the weekend and Monday as a goodwill gesture. I was delighted.
So I went for my first morning swim at 6:30. After filling out a health questionnaire I nipped over the changing rooms to strip and head for the pool.

Bliss. Joy. Seventh heaven! I had the pool to myself at this hour. And the whirlpool. No ugly middle-aged cows from Govan hogging the tub. No same ugly hags swimming across the lanes chatting to their equally ugly friends. And the pool was clean clean clean! Immaculate. The music was annoying at first but then that old 80s chestnut "Obsession" played and I went into fifth gear. I swam a kilometre in under 40 minutes, non-stop. The two others who came in typically did a measly 5 laps and got out of the water, tails between their skinny little legs. Thin people can't light a candle next to me when I'm slicing through the waters. I'm a human equivalent of a crocodile: painfully slow on land but blindigly fast and dangerous under water. I amuse myself pinching Ken's bottom while he flails about in the pool.
The changing rooms, I must say, are fantastic. Clean, with a pleasantly anti-septic smell of tea tree oil in the spotless loos. Big lockers, loads of room to change, nice showers, soap dispensers, large mirrors, seats, boudoir areas for women to dry hair and put on make-up, and an electric swimsuit wringer.

To top it all off, the receptionist smiles and days goodbye and there's a bowl of apples to help myself to. Towels and padlocks are provided (for a fee) and I can even rent a locker. Oh joy!!!!

Needless to say, I am going to sign up. Gold membership. I don't care about the bloody cost. This is the first time in three years that I have gone to work this alert and productive. Fuck council pools. I'm going private.